First impressions
When I first started coming to Bridewell I was really struggling but even amidst the chaos, I could see that Bridewell was a safe and supportive space. On my first day I made a chopping board with Ted. Just focusing on that task and being absorbed in it and having made something I could take home and use, it made me realise I could still do things that would interest me.
There was a time when I was coming off medication and struggling - we were planting seeds - one of the Bridewell team said "Even if you only do a few you will have contributed. By doing this you are helping others." This gave me a sense of purpose, even in the most difficult times.
Getting in to it
Getting stuck into gardening tasks eg pruning the vines to find the branches for next year's growth, seeing that through the seasons - it was analogous to my process. You have to tie up the new shoots, tear off the leaves that are blocking the sun. I also needed to do different things at different times to heal. Even though the grapes are growing they need to be maintained.
Through a lot of the things I learned at Bridewell I was gaining a perspective on the gardening tasks, and it helped me to see their purpose. On reflection I could see the analogy to my mental health recovery in gaining understanding and perspective. Learning to accept that things take time to grow and I needed time to grow. Getting close to nature made me realise that all things take time, that it's a natural process. You are doing something, not knowing when things will change but trusting in nature to take its course.
[I learned] "..that things take time to grow and I needed time to grow."
Developing skills
The support of everyone at Bridewell was second to none. I learned valuable life skills eg how to bake an apple and pear crumble! I discovered the concept of 'Oubaitori' - the idea that people, like flowers, bloom in their own time and in their own individual ways.
Bridewell helped me gain a sense of how to approach my life in the future - it planted the seed in me. It reminded me that I had a seed inside me that could grow. I could trust nature to do things in her own time. Recovery is not a race.
I found the courses on offer invaluable. The 'Knowing Me' course gave me the idea that I mattered as a human being. It also helped me to understand how I was feeling at the time.
The 'You're Hired' course helped me at a time when I had no confidence, especially in regard to having a job. It helped knowing that I wasn't alone, that others had had similar difficulties and experiences regarding employment. Being in a supportive group, sharing experiences with others was as important as the course itself.
My keyworker was second to none...when I started, I couldn't trust people, but I could trust my key worker from very early on.
Being able to create space for my mental health issues through gardening has been paramount to my recovery.
"Being able to create space for my mental health issues through gardening has been paramount to my recovery"
What's next?
Bridewell gave me a touch of magic in my life.
I felt a close connection with the other gardeners through our shared passion for the garden as well as our shared mental health journeys.
I felt heard through gardeners' meetings and Beyond Bridewell meetings so I could contribute to other aspects of the garden. I was treated respectfully and with kindness when sharing ideas, reflections and in general.
The 'You're Hired' course helped me to get a job because I believed in myself. I'm starting work as a Peer Support Worker at Littlemore Hospital. The transition to work has happened organically which has contributed to my growth. I shall start working part-time so I can attend the Bridewell Connect sessions to support me.
