First impressions
Bridewell has literally saved my life!
The opportunity to work alongside staff and gardeners in a safe, nurturing place has given me confidence to discover a new me.
Early on I felt very much lost, anxious and perhaps a tad sceptical. However, I was excited to be offered green therapy that would be long term.
At first I was quiet, observing, but slowly I started to chat to people and found I had connections with the other gardeners. Previously to this environment, I felt pretty isolated. I knew I was the only person suffering mental health problems and that was scary.
Bridewell has been the routine and structure I needed week to week. Eighteen months down the line it's been long enough now to say I've made strong friendships with other gardeners and staff alike.
My keyworkers were warm, nurturing and caring, which is exactly what I needed.
“Bridewell has literally saved my life!”
Getting in to it
Recovery hasn't been linear. I've had a fair few setbacks, but staff have picked me up and set me back on the path to recovery. They've guided me through some difficult moments and I'm eternally grateful for their kindness and support.
Now I'm approaching the last six months I have started to panic about leaving. Coming to Bridewell has been a huge part of my life. It almost feels like a loss to be leaving here.
I've learned important skills such as mindfulness and being in the moment as I lose myself in the tasks we are set, and it has given me purpose.
Being here I've found my love of gardening - it's self-soothing.
Something I struggled with outside of Bridewell was people not understanding my mental illness, which caused relationships to end or be reduced. Certain friendships dissipated over time and others took a step back. I lost my best friend and really needed Bridewell to be there for me.
Bridewell is like this massive pill!
"Being here I've found my love of gardening - it's self-soothing"
The Bridewell community
Attending Bridewell allows for building friendships and trust in other gardeners when you realise there are still some good people about. Being able to laugh with people and feel comfortable is really important; there have been plenty of good times.
My highlights include the things I've made - crafty stuff- they've given me lasting joy. I feel I've accomplished things, and I thrive off the positive attention.
When I am in a better place, I can give back by offering to listen. I'd been cared for and used that to care for others. I'm a people pleaser, but I have the ability to sit and listen and just let people talk.
Occasionally I have a short temper and get upset easily. I've picked up skills and learned how to manage it differently. I take myself away from situations to keep the peace with myself. It's part of the new me - there are ways of coping without going back to old habits like self-harm
My husband has been my biggest support - it's really important for outside people to get involved and come to the Open Days. They need to be heard.
"I'd been cared for and used that to care for others"
What's next?
Having discovered my love of gardening, I've had a few gardening jobs outside of Bridewell. I've now got a job working alongside adults with learning disabilities. I lucked out with a bank role allowing me the flexibility to get the treatment for my complex needs which is coming up.
The first stage will be trying to reduce the amount of medication followed by weekly 2-hour sessions for a year. Then 2 full days in Oxford. I also have a private counsellor, so it's a cocktail of treatments!
