Finding peace in nature

First impressions

My first impression was of how extremely peaceful it is. You can't hear a car, just the wind in the trees and all the different types of birds singing. It's a haven for wildlife and nature. Nature is very important to me.

On my first day I would normally expect to be nervous, but I looked around and felt completely accepted from Day 1 and from that day to this. I already loved gardening but didn't know the technicalities, so I learned how they did it here and I've learned so much since then. I like learning new things here - I'm not made to feel I've done something wrong.

I have been badly treated in my life, but I don't get that feeling here.

Getting in to it

I love the forge - I've taken to it - it's like magic! I like the history behind it. The blacksmith is a great teacher - he makes you feel good that you've done a good job. I can do it!

Learning how to make willow wreaths was great as now I can do it whenever I want. I've got chickens at home and enjoy the chickens here too.

I love all the times of year, bonfires, having my hands in the dirt.

My physical health is an issue, and it's got worse. They keep an eye on you and say 'take a break'. I've got a huge garden at home which I can't keep up with but here I can because it's an established garden with regular jobs to do. There's a regular structure but the garden is always changing.

I love the woodworking sessions with the woodworking volunteer - he reminds me of my grampy. I won a box he restored in the raffle and it's something I love.

I enjoy cooking here - chunky soups in winter and fresh salads in summer. I know how to do home cooking but I've learned more here - new tastes and flavours.

The Bridewell community

I don't want to complain about the volunteers as they're lovely people but they're a bit middle/upper class eg talking about their holidays. Sometimes they forget that some of us can't afford to pay the bills, never mind go on holiday! Perhaps they should get volunteers from more humble origins.

I get on great with the staff and they feel like a second family. On bad days they will dote on you if you need it or offer silent support.

I get on well with all the other gardeners - they are also understanding of bad days.

What's next?

Moving on is a big issue for me as I don't know what I'm going to do. I tried to do a course at the local college which the team helped me to sort out, but I had to stop for health reasons. I've done the courses here. I do want to work but the kind of things I want to do (like at Long Mead nature recovery) I can't manage physically. Even my walking is restricted. Opportunities come up and I can't take them. Perhaps I could work in a nursery, potting/planting?

Because of things that have happened to me I have PTSD and I'm autistic so I get unbelievably socially anxious and I'm frightened of how people will treat me. I need people to be understanding as I constantly need things to be clarified. It's been a great rest being at Bridewell and when I compare myself with others, I see they have much more severe mental health issues than me. But this is the only place I have any friends and I'm scared of going out into the world.